Tuesday, February 28, 2006
there's a percentage on everything.
what's my percentage of getting into university?
what's my percentage of getting a good grade?
what's my percentage of staying with God?
what's my percentage of staying with my family?
what's my percentage of staying with my close friends?
what's my percentage of staying with my friends?
what's my percentage of all that i do?
what's my percentage of living the next breath?
what's my percentage of finishin this message?
it's all about percentage,
just one big risk, one big unknown.
can it all be calculated? no.
what then? we must endure it.
for me, it's hard.
seriously, percentages.
it's all about percentages. think about it.
what's not by percentages anymore..ugh.
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Saturday, February 25, 2006
overload of thoughts.there's an overload of thoughts in my head,
that i can barely question and respond.
but for now, lets not even list it out.
i'm not in the patience or mood to,
so much stuff to worry about.
so often do i feel used as well,
used to the point that when i'm only needed.
at others, i'm blown away for any other.
what more can i say...
i'm off blog.
goodbye.
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Thursday, February 23, 2006
messed up ness.i don't even konw what to say,
my life's pretty screwed up right now.
lets sum it up i guess:
not good in school.
not good in family situations.
not good in friend situations.
not good in health situations.
not good in god relationships.
not good in having backstabbers.
not good in just pure off life.
beh.
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Monday, February 20, 2006
sense of gratitude.thanks man.
thank you for calling.
did not expect a call from you actually,
but that sure did make my day.
sense of closeness once again,
thank you. =)
thanks man.
thanks for your calling too,
did not expect your text messages,
then a call from you afterwards.
thanks.
sense of closeness.
thank you. =)
owe you both. =D
-----------------
WHAT THE HECK.
SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE HECK.
WHAT THE HECK IS THE POINT OF HAVING A CELLPHONE?
WHY DONT YOU GUYS JUST THROW IT OUT.
SERIOUSLY. I CALL IT, WHEN I MOST NEED IT, AND YOU
WILL NOT PICK UP.
AND FOR THOSE WHO HAVE A CELLPHONE
THAT CAN'T EVEN CATCH SOME FREAKING SIGNAL.
THROW THAT PIECE OF CRAP OUT TOO.
CUZ IT'S ABOUT FREAKING GETTING A CAL.
THAT'S THE POINT OF A CELLPHONE;
NOT ALL THAT FANCY BOLONY CRAP.
-- I JUST CALLED MY GRANDMA'S PHONE 72 RINGS,
AND SHE PICKED UP ONCE. [YES 72!]
-- I CALLED A FRIEND AND HIS PHONE'S OUT OF SIGNAL
-- CALL ANOTHER FRIEND AND GUESS WAHTS' ITS OUT OF SIGNAL TOO
-- I CALL ANOTHER FRIEND AND IT GOES THROUGH, BUT THEY DONT FREAKING PICK UP
2 Comments:
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Scottage said...
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Sounds like you're calling the wrong guys :-)
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said...
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I'd call you, but it'd be kind of awkward since I don't talk to you that often.
And I'm one of those people who have horrible reception on my hand-me-down cellphone.
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Sunday, February 19, 2006
eminem's song.[Intro]
So i changed, huh
You got a phone,
Pick it up, call me
[Chorus:]
How come, we don't even talk no more,
And you don't even call no more,
We don't barely keep in touch at all,
And I don't even feel the same love when we hug no mo',
And I heard it through the grape vine we even beefin' now,
After all the years we've been down,
Ain't no way, no how,
This bullshit can't be true,
We family, aint a damn thing change unless it's you
---
good song. coudlnt say better myself.
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Wednesday, February 15, 2006
a sad moment to realize.i just woke up,and i had a thought.
i pulled out my school calendar, and i realize
the days that i have together with my friends
is vanishing by; with a tremendous speed.
we have 3 more months now together,
before we all set off in different paths.
some may remain with each other, and some may
vanish. i'm so scared of it right now...
i really do not want to leave you guys,
i've been through so much with many of you.
it's really sad for me...really sad.
i can't imagine the day that we separate,
nor do i want to. i'm scared. really scared.
my close connection with the few of you;
aznphyr and the two sisters and the other
close friends. i'm really scared of our connection.
will it make it through? i really hope so.
i love you guys so much; it's so hard for me
to just let you guys go with a sudden release.
i'm pretty sad, just thinkin about it.
sigh...
i love you.
3 Comments:
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helen said...
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stan... aka korner
its too early for this mushy, teary stuff. ...
lets save that for graduation......
nooooooooooooooo0o0o0o0o.. =)
man.... scary huh? -
said...
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for some reason I'm not scared about graduation and our grade splitting apart. Maybe there's a hemorrhage in my brain that doesn't allow me to fathom and understand what all you other people are thinking. But you might as me, why?
Because those that we want to keep with us, we will keep with us... with all our might.
If we lose contact with people, it's probably cause we aren't trying hard enough to stay in touch.
I'm sure there might be special exceptions, such as someone getting cast away on an island... but as long as the world turns, we are all connected.
It may be difficult at first, but it is something that one has to get adjusted to. I won't say who, but a person close to me is in a relationship where she can only see the guy once a week... sometimes not even... this has gone on forever and it's been a great burden to them both. But recently, things have gotten closer together and the path has smoothed out. They've been able to find more and more time to be with each other. Their situations didn't change; they did.
The only way you can ever lose a friend, is not by distance, but by heart. -
said...
-
yesterday was goood
thanks!
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Tuesday, February 14, 2006
happy valentine's day everyone! =)today's a fun day to spend.
first day back to school; such a brand new experience.
then english presentation was today; was kinda nervous
before because i didnt think we were ready. but when
the time came, i think we pulled off a good job.
well done group members: LL, DC, KF, CL, KW, JW, ML, AN
and all those who helped bring this possible.
was a lot of work, but i'm glad it's done
and it's done with you guys.
thanks.
---
i got to spend time with my best friend.
i'm really happy about that.
the relation has not been the best over
the course of my memory span.
but recently, it's improved.
i got to spend some nice quality time
with them on the phone yesterday night.
close to three hours together, thank you.
my life's slowly starting to get better again.
lets hope this will continue.
----
thank you all.
for your prayers.
for your support.
----
thank you my brothers and sisters.
i love you. you are all my valentine this year.
thank you so much.
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Monday, February 13, 2006
the juxtaposition.why are some people so different from others?
to the point that they're so inconsiderate
and must hurt feelings of mine.
do they not understand they have the power
to screw around with someone else's emotions?
just simple tasks, and they wont even do it.
yet when they need it, they can come swarming
at me and ask for me; and i do for them.
yet when i ask, they will not.
nor will they even get close with me.
then there's those who will stick with me
and support me throughout.
they can make me happy,
they can cheer me up.
they can see that i'm sad and will be there for me.
i thank you so much brothers.
this experience sure showed me your closeness to me,
i must take a leap down, and say thank you so much.
so big of a difference between the two groups.
one can be so irking. yet the other can be so loving.
what's wrong with this whole thing.
the thing that you love most,
can you the most.
in my case, it did.
2 Comments:
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said...
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i missed you today.
i looked for you in Bible to make some serious..
"oh my gosh this is such stupid talk" contact...
and you werent there..
ill see you tomorrow yes? -
said...
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some people are just... gah, whatever. i don't even wanna talk about it. everyone just wants to be number one, and they don't blink when they don't help out someone who has helped out them. okay, perhaps not everyone is that selfish, but society sure is leaning towards that. the world teaches us to look out for ourselves and no one else. i'm forever greatful that you're not one of those idiots. whatever you're doing right, keep doing it, cause everyone's only being stupid cause they're jealous of the more honest life you live.
"Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them?"
You know what I'm talkin' bout.
Peace out.
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Saturday, February 11, 2006
more than i can imagine.what did this situation do to me?
what did it bring?
it's more than i thought and can imagine.
it's brought my self-esteem even
lower than where it stands previously.
it's brought troubles onto my shoulders,
more than i can carry.
it's brought troubles onto my mother,
because now the schools bugging my mom.
it's brought troubles to my grandmother,
because it got her worried and she keeps bringing it back up.
it's brought even more troubles onto my mom,
cuz my grandmother is taking this little thing and making it
seem more than it is; and in turn screaming at my mother for doing
a bad job in raising me and all that crap.
it's brought me 0's in my school life,
so that will affect my marks; for my final year to university.
it's brought me shame,
becuase now people look at me as if i'm some bad kid from the block.
it's brought me to feel like crap because i have never
been suspended in my life, and this is the first.
it's brought me to feel absolute failure feelings,
because i've failed to live up and be a good kid for my mother.
it's brought me so much crap that i can barely imagine,
more and more shows up as i live on the days.
it's brought me just so much stress,
at first i thought i can handle it.
but the more i live it, the more i think about it,
the more that's going on...i feel the harshness in it.
the schools asked me what can they do for me to help me
in my situation that i'm in.
honestly, there's so many things that they can do.
what about start lessening the amount of work?
i just want one bit of relaxation.
that's all i ask for.
i've been so worked up,
i want to cry.
i want to cry.
i want to cry.
i want to die.
someone please remove my life,
because i cannot take my own.
for it's against my faith,
i'm just so upset.
i'm going to fall over.
i need some guidance.
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Friday, February 10, 2006
results.i got a 3-day.
hmm, do i deserve it? i still think no.
is it fair? i do not think so.
but what can i do ? that's the ending results.
originally it was gonna be a 6-day,
but they chopped it down to a 3-day.
i guess it's better than 6 day, but
still...it's not that much better.
i dunno yet, but i might have gotten
a 0 for most of my stuff that i missed.
hopefully not, and i can rewrite everything.
[all for a simple joke? seriously. retarded]
i dunno...right now, i'm at the computer.
doing my posting at like 10:28am....
dun really know what to think,
just doing.
kinda awkward...but i'm glad it's over.
the retardedness. oh well.
i dunno...i said hi to one individual,
but they did not really reply...i'm hoping
its cuz the person didnt hear...
and i greeted a couple of others...
i dunno, i feel as if their perspective on me
has changed for the most part.
i feel that people are looking at me differently,
after this happened. principal/guidance said their
perspective on me is still the same... but i dun think so.
the eyesights i get from people...and the things i see.
they're quite...disturbing. they bug me.
the closer teacher especially.. i feel that he's looking at me
as if there is some kind of prejudice and saying.. like get away
from me...or something like that.i dont really know.
can i just forget about this? ugh.
thanks for all those who cared over this period
of time. i guess i can use this period of time to
spend time working on my stuff.
lets hope i make the best outta it.
God take over me. still kinda bugged by it.
but not really... let you run through me.
i'm outty.
2 Comments:
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/blu/ren.ka said...
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don't know what you did, but even if i did, you'd still be poy to me.
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said...
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gl
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Thursday, February 09, 2006
retarded day.today was a day that i did not very much enjoy.
during class, i was already being ignored.
and that felt like crap.
then i started doing some work,
since i have a heavy load to cover.
then i get called down,
and i find out a surprise.
one that i don't think is appropriate,
but apparently it was.
until now, i still think they took it too seriously.
so now i'm home, at half day of school.
after the meeting, i approached her,
but her...she was not as close as i thought.
guess we're not fine after all,
i called her, yet she just answered me
with a whatever voice. i apporached her,
slowly. cuz i didnt know what to really do.
at this point, all i wanted was a hug...
from anyone. just anyone.
but it couldnt be from her.
she nodded and i told her what happened.
i didnt see much of a reaction,
probably because she didnt really care.
i dont know, i have so much in my head right now.
i approached a few others along the way to get
my stuff to leave the school. some listened,
some didnt. some that i just didnt want to talk to.
i just...really find this day to be a messed up day.
so here i am, doing my work at home.
becuase of this, it seems to have screwed up my schedules.
i dont even know what's going on anymore.
God what's happening?
what are you trying to teach me?
what am i supposed to learn?
i do not know.
help me please.
2 Comments:
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/blu/ren.ka said...
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poy, you always give me encouragement when im down and now all of a sudden i dont know what to say.... so please take care... rmb, my phone is open to you too you know it. i'll give you a hug tomorrow. take care please.... smile, but if you need to cry, bawl it all out and you'll feel a little lighter
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said...
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yeah.
i find that our school is slowly becoming more shallow. it's not the fault of any individual, but the school body as a whole. i'm sure we're all very deep people, you stan, who i am certain is a deeper person than others (hmm, i have no right to say that, but i just did, o well)
can't we all just... get along?
...guess it's harder than it seems when all the barriers are turning invisible rather than being broken down.
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Monday, February 06, 2006
cheer up.i'm sure that's a line we all need right now.
so much has been happening in our lives that
just creates a heavy burden onto our soft shoulders.
it may be work, it may be grades, or it may be other stuff.
but that is how life goes on, more things each time.
we have to learn to get up each fall,
and mature from that event.
right now, grades mean a bundle to a lot of us,
especially in our last crucial year before hitting
the bigger world of university.
stress.
that's one word to emphasize.
but through it all guys,
find peace in God.
through God, there will be peace.
and there will be joy.
prayin for you, and the other you.
------
sis,
i know how you feel.
but cheer up ok? i dunno what i can do.
but do allow me to help if its right.
1 Comments:
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/blu/ren.ka said...
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im so tired poy. im so tired im going to fall over. im so worn out from crying, screaming, yelling, being angry and most of all im angry that i have to be so stupid. im angry and tired. poy. im tired. thanks for the past few days, for looking out for me... means so much to me. thanks for letting me scream at you and yell and just unload. because life is just.... terrible right now. im so tired. thanks for this post also... thanks for everything.
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Wednesday, February 01, 2006
tirednessoh so tired.
oh so exhausted.
oh so excited at the same time.
oh so wanting to follow God.
oh so satisfied because God's so great.
oh so ashamed cuz i'm not that good with God.
oh so ashamed cuz i know i can do better.
but anyways....
it's been a tiring couple of days,
but that's all fine.
because i was refreshened with a couple
of things that just sparks up my day.
thank you.
about to go practice for this family studies play.
then another english play after that...
but lets rock this. =)
take it easy y'all.
---
list to accomplish:
- university applications
- english isp + skit assignment
- fs isp + skit assignment
- comsci exam + programming assignment
- math calculus hwk
- math data hwk (TIPS)
- OS read over notes
- read Bible
- yearbook stuff
- etc.
--
but overall mood: happy.
2 Comments:
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said...
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glad things are getting better for ya!! keep hanging in there man!! : ) and yeahh...thanks for just praying for me.
in Him,
fellow sister in Christ -
/blu/ren.ka said...
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i hate school. let's hate school together poy. i hate it so much.
-----------------
4 Comments:
i kno eh?
i frickin hate it.
love is not a percentage
What's the percentage of God's love for you?
What's the percentage that with Him, all things are good?
What's the percentage of His UNFAILING love?
What's the percentage of His well-being?
that being said, with God, who needs percentages.
If God is your 'unknown', the problem WILL be solved.
If God is your solvent, He will erase all your sins and make it new.
If God is your thesis, the essay of your life will just fall into place...
face it!! He's all you need. screw the percentages...remember, they don't rule your life. Do your best and whatever happens, He will use it for His good and your future. Just trust Him!!
in Him,
fellow sister in Christ
love is a fallacy.
don't ask, i'm just quoting someone else.
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