Sunday, July 31, 2005
a night to remember for those with me yesterday night. spending time together as a couple, chilling to the max that we can. from a dry atmosphere built up to a funny mood to a hilarious to a cracked-up environment. from playing simply cards to a random movie watching to a random tlaking to eating peanuts. nothing too special, was able to meet 2 new friends: diana and jon. pretty cool peeps. (props to both)
then the aftermath, what a night to remember. from a character that is rock solid, with no emotions shown to the public. all was revealed to me, things that i have never expected in the near time-but it happened. things that i thought would take much longer that came much earlier than ever expected. times where i felt like i was the "bigger" one and i actualy stood straight and tall to live up to my word. to live up to my faith and to live up as my role as an older brother, even though i am younger in age. first time (again, in a while now) that i actually felt like that brother i was again, for i can set my hands into his ways and see how feels. to teach him. to love him. to care for him. to do stuff for him. to endure with him. to feel with him. to do all with him as the brother that i am.
then the next day, spent the day with him again, and it felt good. gave enough time to spend with a person that i haven't been too close with lately. at least we haven't interacted that much lately, but it was worth it. even though it was really annoying at a lot of times because of the "events" that happened. it was still pretty funny and all was spent with him. it's a good time. definitely something to remember.
there ain't a doubt, this ones a keeper,
one that i'll train, one that i'll try my best to be with, and one that i will love.
love you man.
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Friday, July 29, 2005
Reflection: From the past, but yet a reminder for my future.A post back in the days of decemeber 2004:
Anonymous said...
1 Cor. 1:26-29 (SV -Stan's Version)
For consider your calling, stan: you are not wise according to worldly standards, you are not powerful, nor of noble birth. But God chose a foolish person like you to shame the wise; God chose a weak person like you to shame the strong; God chose a low and despised person, even a person who is a failure, to bring to nothing things that the world calls successful, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.
bro, stop listening to satan and start listening to God. if u have nothing to boast about, then ur the perfect person for God to use. and that's exactly why He's been using u even though u don't realize it. so don't let satan discourage u man. he just wants u to stop being useful to God. peace out.
7:31 PM
this post is wonderful in all the ways possible.
it reminds me once again, that i'm not a failure and i'll get the right things straight. all i need to do is rely on you, Lord. Let's let that happen.
and happy birthday doora. =)
1 Comments:
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*:lUk-ca:* said...
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hey stan....:)...wutsup?...sry for not replying...coz i can only come home once a week...(i am living wif mi grandma)...and therez no comp at her house..so ya....and i usually reply girls first and all those people whom i am not that close wif...LOLZ...sry....so ya...i am coming baq sooooooon.....LETZ CHILL....:).........
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Thursday, July 28, 2005
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Wednesday, July 27, 2005
24 hour long accounting session =)haha, just did a 24 hour+ account session. non stop. no sleep.
just pure drinking and wokring on accounting work all the way through for more than 24 hours...it was pretty fun haahah.. but surprisingly.. i'm not that tired! =D hahahah...lalalalalala......accounting's pretty fun actually.
enoph wen a tog i!! =DDDD
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Wednesday, July 20, 2005
who would've guessed.who would've guessed that i actually can miss someone for so long.
but then again, i missed another person for even longer.
dunno how i did it, but i did it.
so for this new journey, i should be fine;
it's only going to be another few more weeks.
until all 3 of you group together again,
it's hard on me when 2 of you are gone,
ones that i truly care about.
but i wonder if it'll all be the same.
i have a feeling in my heart,
that something is about to unravel itself,
and something is going to be different.
i hope that different piece is something that i will like,
something that will be a good part in my life.
i'm scared actually,
cuz time can change a lot of things,
changes that i may like,
yet changes that i may hate.
only time will tell of what shall come,
or what is to come.
i sit here and wait.
waiting like a high placed seethrough glass,
on a tall counter,
in the center,
the material is hard and withstanding,
but with a simple tug,
it will fall and shatter into millions of pieces,
that is me.
that is what i am.
hard. but fragile.
only seeming strong, but yet i'm real weak.
oh man, please help.
oh god, please guide.
oh friends, please pray.
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Thursday, July 14, 2005
expression of missing someone.by all the three.
i really miss you.
other two, i still value.
but one is by my side,
yet the other...well, she is over there;
with no sign of response...
at least, not anymore.
i got a call from them a while back,
but that was it.
but for the newest one that is gone,
i truly miss her.
wish she was back here,
chilling and spending time with me again.
i patiently wait for your return,
but for now, it makes me feel sour to wait,
cuz i miss you that much.
altogether there are three of you,
but right now, i miss one "most" of all.
but still all of you are most important to me.
through all of this, god may i ask,
for your hands around them,
to provide hte safety and love for them.
even though the one i miss most is not your child,
but i ask kindly that you may reveal yourself to her.
even though i dunno how that will work,
or if that is in your plan,
but i ask kindly that you will accept her.
whatever is in your plan for her,
play it that way god,
i ask you in the name of being your child.
i once again come back to you,
to announce that you are the way, the life, and the way to eternity.
yours truly,
stan.
2 Comments:
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said...
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yellllllllllllow
fellllllllllllow
=)
hahaha
i love how we're so happy on msn.
=)
HUGGGGGGGGGGGGg
*1000000000000000000000000000 -
curt said...
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so heidi plays poker too. that's one more personnnnnnn
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Saturday, July 09, 2005
hatred against being alone.don't you hate being alone all the time?
what about when you're not alone, but you feel ignored?
or when you actually in fact is ignored?
or when a person makes you feel ignored?
or when a person makes you feel unimportant?
i hate those.
and i know of many that hates it too.
but then, why do people still do it?
some of the people are even the very same people,
who hates that sense of being ignored.
i don't get that.
is that a fair game?
i be open to you all the time,
yet people is not open to me when i wanna talk.
and give me the sense of being ignored.
excuses always come up to cover up their doings,
but i question about those excuses.
cuz they seem so bullshitted.
what a joke.
i'm out.
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Thursday, July 07, 2005
the step to recovery.one step forward, and backing yourself down.
that's what you gotta do in a situation.
who cares what the image will look like, as long as you're fine.
=)
ahhh..man, another one going...
gonna miss her.
too bad i'm not going to hk and stuff anymore,
or it'd be the best of time.
24/7 together.
but oh well....guess i'll wait for your return here,
in lil ol'canada. -__-"
have fun! =)
oh well...august time, two sisters coming back.
that should be a joyful period,
i'll wait.
lalallalaaaa....i'm going crazy.
oh well.
God, help me.
1 Comments:
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curt said...
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so. i never knew your birthday was july 3rd =P
anyways happy belated birthday now that i know ^^;
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Wednesday, July 06, 2005
for whatever cause.it's 4 in the morning right now,
and i thought it through:
for whatever cause, i accept you.
for whatever stuff to endure, you and i together.
for whatever situation, it's you and me.
for whatever rough time, we help each other.
for whatever small case, we fix it together.
for whatever big case, we sustain our friendship.
for whatever that interferes us, we come through strong together.
for whatever terrifying time, you and me will take care of each other.
for whatever you have done so far, know that you're forgiven.
for whatever you think you still have wronged, let it go.
for whatever you think you need to do to repair, don't hassle yourself.
for whatever you think you need to improve, don't mistaken.
time is the main factor between me and you.
both of us endured a time when we're upset about the other,
and what did we need? time.
it's something that we hate so much, yet needs so much.
why do we hate it? cuz it brings pain and confusion,
all the way until the special moment comes, when everything settles again.
- you think you've wronged?
i too have.
- you think you need to repair?
i too need to repair.
- you think you need to improve?
i too need to. but you're already perfect within my eyes.
you're the perfect piece that God set me up with,
to mold me, to train me, to show me love, to show me pain, to show me Him.
you're such that valuable place in my heart,
you're such that very person that helps me majorly.
you're irreplaceable.
the clumbsy one you are,
the cute one you are,
the smart one you are,
the small one you are,
the adorable one you are,
the lovable on you are,
the indescribable you are.
what kind of brother would i be,
if i can't even keep the first promise,
of my own agenda:
"i will not hurt those close to me."
i'm hurting you for being upset about you,
i cannot and will not.
whatever the world thinks,
whatever other people thinks,
whatever the hell otherwise,
i don't know and i don't care.
but one thing for certain, i love you.
you will always be that little sister to me.
enough of this reading,
you know the 10 digits,
relieve yourself and,
get those fingers moving. =)
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Tuesday, July 05, 2005
deserving or not deserving.none of us deserves anything.
i don't deserve anything that i have.
i don't deserve anything that i'll ever have.
you're a blessing to me from the start,
blessed am i to have you close by me,
in the rough times of my life.
in times that i need you most,
sure yo'ure not there all the time,
but you're there enough for me that it's such a blessing.
i wouldn't say never, but regret is not a thing that i would suggest,
for our friendship. cuz it's been a wonderful blessing.
a friendship is a long journey, one that takes a lot of molding,
it ain't something that can happen overnight,
it ain't something that can just magically appear.
it all takes the rise and falls,
until our legs are tired,
until our knees are scraped with blood.
but should we ever regret?
none.
just like your name, it should mean nothing.
all those ups and downs are just mere buildups
for me and you.
don't ever doubt yourself,
cuz you should not.
you've done so much for me that i lost track,
you may not feel it,
but to me, you've blessed me enough.
there are difficulties right now,
but there is still the power that links us.
for you to call me THAT name again,
i can see that you have never given up on me either.
it's a relief in a way..
although not a full one.
but.
through all this, i will still hold your hand.
i will not let go, even if it means to suffer.
pain is something that comes from love.
love is pain.
pain is love.
true love works together with the factor of pain.
why do we pain for the ones we love?
becuase that love is so great, that we crave for the other,
even if it means for us to endure something called pain.
i will always hold onto your hands,
even with my last breathe, i will hold on.
your name still remains on my neck,
that's a promise i have for you, all the way back from the start.
promises, i will try my best to never break.
will i break it one day? i might.
but with all my strength, i will not let that happen.
times where i thought about letting go,
and removing such dogtags; there were many.
why? cuz with such great love, it brings great pain.
pain that is hard to endure,
but i choose to take it.
i choose to endure it.
i choose to go through all of it.
why?
the reason is nothing complicated.
the reason is not something that needs scientific support.
the reason is not something that needs tests and observations.
the reason is simply you.
i choose to be with you.
and i choose to endure.
because you're worth THAT much to me.
tears. pain. hurt. weakness. trembling. shakiness.
all worth your friendship back to me.
i did not give all my body's strength out,
to last our bond to this very day,
and shake it all off with a small (yet big) thing as this problem right now.
my bodies about to rip,
but the body is merely a thing,
a thing that can be replaced.
a thing that can regrow itself.
a thing that can heal.
but a lost friendship is a lost friendship.
that ain't gonna happen.
i simply ask you to give me such the appropriate time,
for i think that is all i truly need.
with all the leftover confidence i have in you,
i urge you to do well in that math test tomorrow.
for that will be the best thing you can do for me now.
best of luck for you boo.
a name that i have not publicly called you in a vast time,
but until this day, i am not ashamed to call you such.
you know you will do well on it tomorrow,
results being good or bad, it won't affect me.
all i want you to do, is to try your best,
for whatever result (as long as you try your best) will satisfy me.
you got this one, girl.
--stan.
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for you. and you only.
there's a part of me that really still cherishes you.
that still loves you.
that still adores you.
that still treats you the same.
that still motivates me.
that still care for you.
for the fact that you haven't called for the few days,
i thought something was wrong,
something that might've affected you.
something that caused you to be absent.
i was scared honestly.
i prayed, praying from a body that doesn't even fully trust on God.
i don't know what happened to you,
and i feared of something that might've happened.
i prayed for your safety
and your health
and your whatever else.
i didn't call you because i did not know what to say to you
i don't even know what i want to say to you
and i don't even know how to talk with you.
but deep inside me, it still burns me.
it burns my body and makes me feel uneasy.
i don't know how you are, and i do care for you.
i was waiting patiently for your call,
and when i did, trust me, i was happy for that split second.
when i saw your name pop up on that caller id,
i was slightly relieved,
because i know you're once again safe and back.
but through all of that,
i still have a deep-shovelled hole,
a hole that i dont know how to face,
a hole that makes me think.
a hole that puts so many thoughts into my head,
thoughts that i do not want in my head.
thoughts that i know that will hurt you,
and thoughts that i know you do not want to hear.
you kept asking for them,
and i do want to share with you.
but i tell you it's for the better,
cuz i know you that well,
and i care for you that well,
that i know if i say them, it may sting you.
can a brother to you like me face the fact,
that i, myself, may hurt you again?
i cannot, and i won't.
i rather i suffer through stuff like this,
to endure our great friendship.
i like how our friendship is right now,
and i don't want to hurt you, my sister.
i never once want to hurt anyone close to me,
not my younger brother,
not my older brother,
not my cute sister,
not my lovely sister,
and nor you my closest sister.
it's hard for me to face you directly right now,
becuase i really expected much from you.
expectations shouldn't be present,
but i fail to live such idea,
i continued to expect certain things from you,
but those expectations weren't met.
i wish sometimes that i can forget about this,
and trust me, within these days...i tried.
but i can't seem to be able to do so.
i just need some time,
some time alone.
some time for me to reflect again,
just promise me one thing,
don't give up on me.
i promised you that i will never give up on you,
and from what you know of me,
you know i will keep that promise.
it's just that...you're so close,
i just...really thought you would remember.
but whatever man,
i'll be fine.
sorry to offend if in any way,
i apologize ahead of time for any of such.
good luck on your test tomorrow.
for i know you will do good.
always do i have confidence in you.
that will not change.
nor will it ever.
take care my sister.
--stan.
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Monday, July 04, 2005
bday reflection.it was more than 10 to update myself.
today? what happened? nothing too fancy.
woke up today with nicole on the phone.
showered, then called her back. had a sweet talk.
went to church, stayed to like 12:30.
ate at some shanghai place; was good.
golfed for couple of hours. (good ol'driving range and putting XD)
ate at "wasabi" (sushi place); hella good. recommended. def going back.
went to watch batman begins.
came home.
thanks goes to: nicole, chloe, arthur, bri, kawai, der, samantha, william, mich, adrian, rach-fung, oscar, reza, judy, johnny, florence, granny, and definitely mom.
otherwise, whatever.
would i call today as fulfilled? nope, not fully. am i happy? yeah quite happy.
disappointed? actually quite a bit too; wondering why? don't ask. ain't gonna tell. anyways.. i'm off to listening to some more music and playing some big2. tata.
thanks again for all those who cared and remembered.
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Sunday, July 03, 2005
my bday.my actual birthday: july 3.
today is the day, i'll reflect it tomorrow.
sidenote:
2 years ago, i had my closest friend say it to me. i was glad. =)
last year, i too had the same very friend say it to me at the same exact time.
but this year...it's different. i so far did not get anything from her.
yet i got it from 2 other very unique bodies. thank you very much guys.
others, whatever.
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Saturday, July 02, 2005
hmm..i wonder.i wonder how many there will be that remembers.
i know of one person that remembers for sure, now lets start counting.
1...
.....
my guess is not even 10.
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