Friday, January 28, 2005
1. the happiness of your closest friend, but losing reputation.
2. gaining reputation. but hurting your close friend.
pick, i want you to.
the only thing that's been revolving around my head. i sit here and have problems with my closest friend's guy, what is this? do you know how hard it is to live this life? why do i always have to back down. why does he always get to get away from all this kinda shit? honestly, i want him down. but then that risks my closest friend's emotions and all. i want you to try thinkin in my shoes.
raised and learned to live through a public system--everything was through force and reputation. then through a change to a new private school; thinking all that will slowly vanish--it did. until now. all's back. just so simple to put everything into hand. just one call away from forming the union of a lifetime to totally annihilate this one figure. hated this guy from the beginning, and now, it just all builds up. all so simple, just a snap of a finger. but what things do i have to hurt? answer is my closest friend. God. and possibly many others.
why do i have to go through all this? my body's trembling becuase i'm so bound to want to send the word and make that guy suffer through it all, yet i have to fight it off because i don't want that very close friend to be in such a hard position and pain.
gosh i hate this. fuck.
this friend is that important, i'm not in the mood to hurt her.
(mind the fact, i won't even hurt anyone if i don't have to. but i have my limits.)
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Wednesday, January 26, 2005
isn't there just a point where you just hate yourself? i dunno how some people can never have this and live life like it's jolly jolly. i know a lot of people that are like this, they seem to care about grades or life, but then when they fail at it; they just go on with life and party more. then i know some that are always quite successful in life, even though they experience down times too. but me, i dunno..i seem to try and yet it doesn't do much. it's so discouraging to see that i study for so long and the results are so negative. i sometimes wish i can just drop out of school and stop wasting money. sure it's a stupid thought, but it doesn't seem like i'm a studying-material kinda guy. sure i want to do good, but there's seems to be always a limit that i can only go up to. i know there's people who are worse than me, and say that i'm better, so stan you should shut up. but i'm sure you feel the same way that i do (well some of you.) how you try, yet you fail to succeed to the point of where you want. it really makes me think twice about everything: like am i even going to be successful later on? yes i know einstein even failed math and then later on became so famous about all his discoveries in math...but it's so hard to keep it up like this. sigh...1 Comments:
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curt said...
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kiwi's right buddy...if you've done your best, be satisfied with it. if that's truly your best effort, then so be it.
i dno i'm probably one of those people who can take a bad mark and keep going on like you said..but i guess the reason why i shrug it off so lightly is because..well i can't change the mark right? i can't go back in time to change my answers, though i wish i could sometimes. but i take it as a marker, see where my mistakes were and build up from them.
so even if you didn't get an extremely high mark, don't let it pull you down. instead, use it to help you reach greater heights.
and now i'm going to be a stupidhead and stretch your comment box =)
fjew;ilfaewilafjsi;lfadkslafjwoiea;jfwea;fjlkewoifjweaifjoi;sajfio;waejfoi;awfjeioa;wjfiwoa;fjewfjeilafiealsfa;wlfwalerjniwlerlicaj;liwrliw;lijelewa;lifewlcwau;lrjaer;cjrlirmc;lelijre;ljcramjrewi;ll;iewa;liaew;limajfew;lijfsalfdkjf;ewilafjl;sdkfksdafuij;lkaflkjdsifdsaiukjfsduij;lkfas
take it easy buddy =)
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Monday, January 17, 2005
k honestly, i'm trembling in fear for tomorrow: one big math exam.where will i end up? what will i get? will i even get anything?
i really don't konw and i'm feeling fear all around.
i konw the stuff, but then. will i be able to perform it?
i really do not konw. i'm scared, i'm trembling. that's all i can say.
then i have chemistry/physics, two sciences, which i'm terrible at.
chem i'm scared of, because my plan was totally off, and i didn't get to study it today. which means i'm studying it all day tomorrow.
then i got physics, this i tremble in fear again. as this one is like do or die. but take it literally. what should i do. i do not know. i'm simply trembling now. and worrying all over.
can a miracle happen? this is what i'm hoping. i'm scared.
God, i sincerely ask for some help...even though we're not that close right now. p just pray for some confidence. i just pray for some comfort. i pray for you to rest your hands around me. i want to be with you. help me Lord.
-yours truly, stan (your trembling follower.)
2 Comments:
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rahella said...
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hey stan. it's just marks. no need to panic, if you know your ish, you'll get what you deserve. and if you dont, ehhh life goes on. :) dont let your life revolve around marks, cuz you'll be miserable like that. make your life revolve around me. harhar
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curt said...
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make your life revolve around rach? haha noo make it revolve around pizza delivery guys. but yeah, as long as you do your best, be satisfied. God calls for our best, nothing more, even if you do your best and get a low mark in whatever, you can be content knowing that you gave it your all.
it's funny how we teach each other things we should be applying to ourselves eh. we have some weird sorta friendship ;)
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Thursday, January 13, 2005
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IJOIBNVBNVBNBCNVNVBNFGNDNNDNHNDHGNNHG
DSAF3J3JEJDBDBDBDBBENM3M3MM3MEMEMEME
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CDCDCDNFSGFDGDFGSDFGSDFASDFDSAHNGHN
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6 Comments:
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Mack said...
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THAT is what you call stress from studying... haha... thanks for the comments man... I just want you to know too... I read your spot all the time, and when you need it, I got you...
Holla atcha boy! -
rahella said...
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i have NO CLUE what you're trying to get across, other than the fact is that youre taking out your anger out on your keyboard :P poor things.
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curt said...
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HI...SUP.....CAN I HAVE YOUR NUMBER? NO REALLY YOU'RE SERIOUSLY HOT CAN I HVAE YOUR NUMBER?
WHAT COLOUR DO YOU PAINT YOUR TOE NAILS? WANT TO DO MINE?
--
it's an inside thing.
but to set the record straight to anybody who wasn't there...i am COMPLETELY, ONE HUNDRED PERCENT, NO-DOUBT-ABOUT-IT, ENTIRELY straight. i like girls, i wear pants, if you kick me in...er..if you 504 me it hurts, and i'm a boy, so throw rocks at me. -
That guy said...
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This speaks to me in ways I don't fully understand.
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agapetos said...
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so am I the onli one who can see the hidden message? Its something about a flying turtle and mentos..i think, but I won't go into detail.
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said...
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I can't believe it either.
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Wednesday, January 12, 2005
lala nice pic. and hmm...i know exactly what you mean from the converso thing. but buddy, hmm...how to say this. kay here goes, as bad as it may sound or as stupid or what not. it really doesn't matter what the other person may think anymore..like if you've done your part. then let that be. if you have done everything biblical and youre sincerely asking God for help..then trust on that bud. do'nt deny any of that..or that's just gonna lead you into the terrible pain that you are feeling right now. i personally made that mistake, and it cost me quite a bit. yeah i hated God for a while and i was mad at him or whatever...but what does that do? i can tell you RIGHT now. it brings you into more pain..becuase you've lost that ONE true happiness and joy. he's hte real joy of your life...if you get mad at him, then it's all over. plus, like... ok, say you're NOT upset with him; but you're still worrying.. but how's that trust? if you trust him, then there shouldn't be of any worry....harder to do than say. yes i konw...personal experienceS (emphasis on "S") tell me so. i don't wanna see you in that same trap buddy. if you are absolutely sure you've done your part..and to the most of your ability..then let it sit for a while. trust me, just let it sit...when time runs by..(doesn't matter how long it is. my longest one was 2 years and 34 days from my old school. and my latest experience with this stuff was close to 9 months.) just trust it all on God bud. leave it, let it sit, "let go"..and just relax. treasure and make the best with all your other supportive friends and those that still love you for who you are.. you can't let yourself feel pain for just one little person on this earth...cuz he/she is just another "pawn" of this whole chess game. you can't sacrifice a king for a pawn. get the drift? god or person? you pick. obviously the king, cuz if not, then you lose the whole chess game...it's GAME OVER, there IS NO return. just trust it all...dats waht i mainly gotta say. and bud, i konw it's tough seeing a close friend that you once treasured more than anything be so dry and discouraging to you. but don't let it bug you too much ok? like cheer up in those that still surround you. i don't care if no one else lays their hand around you, i'll be around if you need me. that's one thing you got my word for. there may be one day where everyone will go away from you.. but i won't. i ain't gonna give up on you and neither will God. trust it all on that one powerful God. cuz you knw he's good. and yeah. but rmb this line buddy, you can forget the rest if you want =P but here goes: "take care of yourself and just trust it all on God. wait patiently cuz it will all be answered at the right time; depending on God's final plan." yap.. ok enough typing here lah.. me havta write more exam notes! eeep! it's 11:53pm! la!!! kk.. tata, we gotta talk more of this another time. after english exam, then i can talk for a lil bit.take care. [it's funny how i'm teaching you this. but meh, God's plan =)]
1 Comments:
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curt said...
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thanks man.
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lets keep this short, just woke up...=] hehe, kinda planned to sleep till 6 and then study from then on. but then iw as an hour late...well i told me granny to wake me actually, so it's technically not my fault! =P well..i woke up at 6 i think, but i think i dozed off again..man.. lack of sleep...so -___-
anyways.
fri - english
mon - thankfully none
tues - math
wed - chem/physics
thurs - WR/computer
best of luck to you all. =)
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Saturday, January 08, 2005
so......got some practical stuff; bored, so took pics of them.
just got my watch, loving it =P
1 Comments:
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dani said...
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1 more day. WOW. and I really like your watch. and like curt said. the one on the right would be very very NICE =D
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and just for teasing curt, hahaha! (just kidding)
1 Comments:
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curt said...
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOO GIVE ME ONEEEEEEEEE
I NEED ONEEEEE AS LONG AS IT WORKS =(
(preferably the one on the very right ;) )
but SERIOUSLY. i need ANY phone. i'm stuck with the old quarter + payphone..
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Tuesday, January 04, 2005
- it's not gonna be NSBD anymore, it's SBD.- is it still aznphyR+3?
- msn time's gonna cut more than half
- rings off
- it's me alone
- living it
2 Comments:
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curt said...
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hey man...erm if i interpreted the NSBD/SBD thing..don't get too worked up on the 'N' thing..just let God do His thing..and if it's in His plan then 'N' will come back right?
i'm always here for you man..i mean we're not the closest of friends since we've only begun on our journey, but i'm always here for you. i mean it's us four poker buddies ehhh? haha
but really..i don't know what i can say to help make you feel better...all i want you to know is that i'm here for you, to have somebody to talk to, to have somebody to listen, to have somebody to pray with, whatever. we're all in this together. -
Mack said...
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Aiyo dawg... wuttup? It ain't ever anyone alone... hah... that's the furthest thing from the truth... but I can't tell you how many times I've said that... only to fall flat on my ass. It's a pride thing yo... I have it too... we're not all that... we know that... and we really have no power unless God created us, and if He created us, He ain't gonna forsake us. So therefore, it's you alone, with Him, making you not so alone anymore. Take into consideration that there are people that care about you at any given time, and you're suddenly not alone at all anymore.
All I can say is, whatever you need, I got you... even if I'm busy or whatever, juss hit me up... life is more important then school, and life is who and what you care about. Anytime man, open invitation, don't care what time.
Holla atcha boy!
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who really cares....that i wonder.
some say they do, but do they really?
some i think they care, but do they?
who really cares.
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Saturday, January 01, 2005
heya all. new years finally here, which means i get my g2 soon! 2 more months..sadly. but that's ok, i can wait, it'll be there faster than i know it. exams are coming, and wow.. i'm major slacking...at lesat within this break. lets hope i can get back on my feet and major work again when school starts =Panyways, felt some change lately...i feel different. i seem to be doing things that i don't normally think i'd be doing..but then it seems natural for me..until i recap and think about it later on. dunno.. it's wierd.
take care all. don't really feel like posting much. matter fact, i think i'm gonna go shower and get some rest. goodbye.
1 Comments:
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curt said...
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happy new years man..i'm a little late but...*sweats..
hope you're doing alright, since you said you were feeling strange..if you need to talk then message me alrighttttt?! or call me...unfortunately i don't have a cell phone =/ but haha call my home.....and if you don't know it..ask bri or something. don't want to post it here. too many spies and mortal enemies out to get me. i'm aware of their tricks though, oh yes. "prak calls". i got their number.
SO anyway, take care and take it easy...
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4 Comments:
stan buddy i'm not going to lie to you and say i understand and that i know your pain, 'cause i don't. but what i do know is that all this kind of crap will make you stronger in the end. we've talked a little about this thing..maybe not THIS specifically, but on the general topic..and you know the best advice i can give you is to do what God would want you to do, and after all is said and done, make sure you have no regrets.
by thinking through and resisting this thing demonstrates how strong of a person you are. you're a strong-willed, determined, good-hearted guy..and it's in this way i wish i could be more like you. to be stronger, to be more determined.
all of this you posted shows that strength, and shows your love and kindness towards n...the fact that you want to do this thing that you've "grown up" with, yet resisting it as to not hurt that close friend...you are an amazing person.
besides that i don't know what else to tell you...just strap yourself in and ride out the wave. we're all here for you, the three of us..you know it man. we're each holding a two...by ourselves we're as low as you can get, but together and with God who holds the ace, we form a wicked arse hand.
so keep it all together alright? take care of yourself and keep in mind that God's in control of everything. He'll never give you a burden too great to bear.
Aiyo Stan... OK... so you're prolli pissed at me, but I'm being straight up wit you man, you have no reason to be. This whole thing isn't worth it. Look at this 10 years down the road. Just fast forward 10 years, and look back at this situation. What would you have accomplished? What's the big deal of gaining or losing reputation? Who cares? Who is there to really impress? We're done high school next year, and you won't see over 90% of the people at school on a regular basis. Why does it matter what people think? Honestly, I don't know if you notice this, but I get hated on wherever I am, whoever I'm with. But see, people can say whatever the hell they want, and it don't mean anything. Who cares about reputation? If you feel you've got to do something, you just got to do it. If you see how pointless that action is though, you simply don't do it. It's not a hard decision. You can't base things on what other people think. If I based my life around what other people thought man, I'd be a whole different person then I am today. I wouldn't be myself. Just be yourself, and be who God wants you to be. If people judge you after that, they have to answer to God. You can't even judge yourself, only God can judge us. No man can tell you who you are, or what you're worth. That's something only God determines. If you think this whole thing with this individual is a problem, just do what you got to do. But listen to me, I came from a public system too... and then from an even worse private school, which was corrupt. The whole place was filled drugs, alcohol, and violence. I understand your position, but even in those situations, back in the system, when has violence ever done you good? Violence has got me into a lot of trouble. I still go back to the day in Grade 8 when I broke a guy's jaw... I was so lucky to be off the hook for that. If that guy had called the police, I would have been charged with assault. This stuff is serious. The world doesn't talk about the seriousness of violence in our society today, and more importantly the consequences. Honestly yo, it's not cool to have back. Anyone can get someone to do their dirty work for them, but then, what does that really say? I can't handle this situation myself, because for whatever reason I don't have the physical, mental, emotional, and most importantly SPIRITUAL capacity to do so? To me, that's what it says, but I know you're better then tnat. You just seem to have forgotten. No one in life is important enough for you to risk what would come with calling people on another person... no one. Just ask yourself this question in terms of the choices you're left with. WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? It's not hard, because that's the only decision that matters, the one Christ would make, and the one He would want you to make. This is a long post, and I swear, you better have read through the whole thing. Just your head man, because you know you're better then this whole situation. It's been blown out of proportion, and has totally shifted focuses. This has become something that it originally wasn't, and it should just fade into nothing at this point. We both know that, and everyone else involved knows that too. Just think about what I said, and if you got any questions, or comments, or whatever, you know the 411. I'm out... peace.
i've never tried crest white strips.. do they work?
yea i've tried them but i think you gotta do it consecutively or they wont work
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