Wednesday, September 28, 2005
enough crap to deal with.
enough work to deal with.
enough things to think through.
my mind is restless.
my heart is struggling.
so many things at once, argh.
someone help?
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Sunday, September 25, 2005
heavy day..what a heavy day, but ended with brilliance.
sure i had an awful day, but God's provided man.
God's revealed himself...
let me tell you all, God's that great.
you ask sincerely, and He promises to return.
In the same way, He's provided for me.
Prayers i asked for some comfort,
for someone to care,
for someone to call,
for someone to get back in my life (mentioned in previous post)
everything just into hand.
When i asked him again...
He is and was the key--to all.
What more can a brother ask for?
A brother that stays with me,
a brother that sticks with me,
a brother that relies on me,
a brother that i rely to,
a brother that is dependent,
yet a brother that is independent,
you took it well brother,
you're one person that i don't regret knowing,
and will that continue man.
just like you said yo,
"no problem, brothers for life."
you and i, we stick together man.
we ai'nt blood related,
but this one man,
you and i know we close.
thanks much given to you
and to God for providing me with you.
3 posts altogther in one day,
2 hard posts to suffer,
1 post to make it good again,
and let there be 0 more pain posts from now on.
let it as simple as 123,
for everything to be settled in your hands, Lord.
Amen.
sincerely,
stan.
Your son Lord,
and your brother bri.
keeping it real. peace.
1 Comments:
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said...
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Saturday, September 24, 2005
you're actually.you're actually on my mind all day,
i can't get you out for some reason.
the song i hear reminds me of you.
the things i talk about is about you.
the subject i'm doing right now reminds me of you.
the phone reminds me of you.
the ebay site reminded me of you.
why are so many things reminding me of you?
my minds on you all day and God.
i haven't spoke to any of you two though,
but i will speak.
matter fact, why have i not talked to God today?
i should really do so.
i'll be back.
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burdens.
burdens.burdens.burdens.
this is what a lot of people have in their lives.
and which they come and find me to help.
this is a promise i gave to them,
becuase i have said, whenever you need help,
"come and find me for help and i will always take care of you."
but it's hard to take so many burdens at the same time,
there's hers, and there's hers, and there's my own,
i try to take care of those around me first,
but each time i help;
it chips away my own efforts too,
i can too break down, i'm merely weak;
in contrast to what many think.
i have problems too, but really...
people just think there's nothing wrong.
actually some people do think something is wrong,
and for one person, she tried to help.
much appreciated.
it's rough on me too..
becuase i know there are more problems to come actually.
i've spoken to another girl lately,
and she will show her problems to me soon.
i'm happy she trusts me so much,
becuase that shows our friendship.
i love all my friendships and relationships
with each of my friends.
but each seems to have its flaws somewhere,
but flaws are flaws, that's how a friendship
should overpower these flaws and work together.
God, help me out a bit,
thanks.
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Thursday, September 22, 2005
nothingto
worry
about.
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Just a question to ponder about:
is it a sin to care for others around you so much, that you may hurt yourself? (but you get a good effect out of it and it's for a good purpose and/or intention)
i've been thinking about that one..i still can't get over the fact that i care for others so much, that i can almost neglect myself from my own caring view. all i see is...my 2 brothers and my 3 sisters. they are the ones that i need to care most for, then i have the other surrounding me...those need care too... but myself, i dun really have care over myself that much..
and when i do start to care for myself, that's when the times are REAL rough...that i can't neglect myself anymore. but i know God's around to boost me up..cuz he lifts me to leave one pair of footsteps; instead of two--his and mine; side by side.
but recently, i broke down..in a stage of hyperness and depression and stress altogether. i got a phone call from nada, and all i was...was shaken. i was so stressed about the upcoming math test, and the upcoming problems to come..and the things i want to fix, and the things i hear...just so many things. i wnat to help every single one of my friends and at the same time..do my own stuff. i literally broke into a stage of insanity. i really felt the urge to visit a psychiatrist for the deseparate need. it was a strange feeling, but it's funny....
because through it, i was able to feel God once more. i prayed, i kneeled down at this point. i hung the phone up on nada, becuase i needed to focus on someone greater. someone of ultimate control and relief...even though she offered to comfort me and what not as the role of a sister. i kneeled and i prayed, and i was able to grasp my right mind...although still a bit woosy, i was able to fix myself.
math quiz or no math quiz...it's all the same. it's merely marks, i gotta focus on God. that's whats moore and most important. let it be.
Oh God. let you be my primary aim.
-Amen.
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so...i got my phone bill.. and guess waht? hahahah i tlaked for like 1942 minutes altogether for this month. i think i'm beating my record by 200-300 each time. first was like 1000 to 1200 to 1500 to 1700 last time..now 1942 hahaha...soon i'll break some big records. ha
phone bills outta the charts =p...
oh well, at least i'm talking to worthwhile people! =)
you think you worthwhile? then it's prolly you! hahha..
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Monday, September 19, 2005
omg is what i have in mind.dreams are hard to come true, and when they don't come true,
one will feel down,
in the same way that i feel right now;
my dream has been shattered.
i hate it,
but it's reality,
face it.
man, i wanted it.
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Monday, September 12, 2005
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Friday, September 09, 2005
longlasting committment.It's intriguing how much pain you put me through, but still everytime... i'm unable to fully give up on you. at this point of time, i hated you to the point that my dogtags were off. dogtags were fully off and wrapped around my wrist. they were always laid on the table of my room...piling on with dust--at least for the first few days of our troubles. but i couldn't forget you... i really wanted to throw you into the back of my head...but it was not doable. you mean too much to me man... i had to keep you close by.
i'm mad at you, i'm upset about you, and i'm all that against you...but through it all man.. i'm always there. i will be there. that's a committment i give to you. everytime i try to throw it down; i just look back these dogtags of mine..it reminds me of you..of the promise i have in you. it makes me think about you...and how life would be like...if i had disappeared from you.
i really wanted to drop you..but today, when i saw you...i felt these sudden jolts to my heart...that pricks me as well...because i am not talking to you. it was an indescribable pain within me...but i still chose not to talk to you..cuz i was still upset about you... i just wanted to stop caring...i don't want another round.
but then i dunno... i saw you with brian today....and i just wanted to hug you. i want to come from behind you and just give you the biggest hug of all...cuz i miss you that much; that i want to show you that i have forgiven you. i put the dogtags back on. at that point of time, when you spoke with brian....from far. i watched from far, i stood there...silent. and prayed. prayed that god will give me strength for antoher round of me and you. they're back on, and i want you back with me.
lets work together on this one...even though i'm not totally okay with it all.
but i do still miss you. i miss talking to you..but what i miss most of all...is your sincere hug. i wanted to find you a couple of times...but i chickened out in the end...cuz it's hard for ME to back down to you....and accept you again..when you're the one who wronged me. but when i chose to do it for sure...i came out, but you already left....cuz you had spare.
you left and i felt cold. i wnated to resolve the problem...but you were have left already. i wanted to hold you right into my arms and tell you how much i miss you and love you for who you are...although i dislike the stuff that you put me through. but that does not matter...becuase love is greater than anything else. everyone kind of love--relational love, brother/sister love, family love, and what not...and in our situation it's a brotherly-to-sisterly-family-love.
i don't know how i'm going to resolve this with you on the weekend...but maybe we'll see each other somehow. i'm not sure.... but if it does have to wait till monday..then let it wait till monday.
prayers needed.
--stan.
2 Comments:
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heids said...
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hey stan =)
i hope you'll be ok from whatever is going on.. praying for ya
take care -
said...
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you got it.
keep living on.
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Wednesday, September 07, 2005
had enough.i pretty much had enough of your ignorance.
i pretty much had enough of your "when i need you, i come to you"
i pretty much had enough of your "i don't seem to care"
i pretty much had enough of your lack of care
i pretty much had enough of your lack of actions
i pretty much had enough of your lack of worry
i pretty much had enough of your lack of reflection on yourself
i pretty much had enough of your clueless-ness
i pretty much had enough of you.
i need a break from you.
it's off, and will stay off for a while.
who knows, maybe i'll give it to you so you can have it for memory.
of how we useta be so tight..and all of a sudden,
it's been down the drain..
and causes me take it off my neck.
i've thought about it for a while now. just to let you know..
but i managed to hold onto it because i continued to have faith in you.
but after today my friend, it's been one hectic moment for me.
i can't take it..and i had tears coming down my face,
oh and worst of all is.. i coudln't cry...
becuase my family was about to come, and i had to hold it in.
but every time i think about you, it pricks me heart.
not that you care...
or at least that's what you portray to me now.
matter fact, it's been a while that i have ever felt that you actually cared.
bye.
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Sunday, September 04, 2005
yay... =D
1 Comments:
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Xae Lee said...
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(sigh) lol nice blog stan haha
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1 Comments:
lets talk... msg me or call me.. or meet up @ U fair if ur goin...i'll help however i can that u need
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