Friday, April 29, 2005
what more can i say? except i miss you.
i miss the times we were good. i miss the times that we trust. i miss the times that we shared. i miss the times when were so close. i miss the times when you call me. i miss the time that i call you. i miss the time when we bonded so closely.
i hope for the day that we can both reform with each other.
i lay on my knees, waiting for God's permission; for i know he can change hearts and bring us back together. i think that our relation is strong enough to withstand this. all i need of you is to open up to me once again my little sister.
retreat 2005.
this was truly a retreat to remember.
last year's retreat in comparison with this one...its in no comparison. last year i had to deal with a problem that i never want to ever deal with. it hit me so hard, that i trembled down more than 10 months of my life. but this year, i'm hit with a new problem, yet very similar to the old one. i'm starting to tremble, and my body is reacting with tears that i cannot contain within myself. this year, the retreat was really well organize through God's work. the point of the bus to the point of arriving at the place to the point of sermons to OASIS to 3am to the point back on the bus. this was such a God-present event. it was so grand, and it was so touching to each and every one of us. it was such a good reflection for every one of us...even though it may be this "spiritual high" that we speak of..but keep at it guys, it won't be. just keep going and shoutin for GOD. he's the one way, and he's the life. i loved the 3am period that we shared, i got to talk to her...and it relieved me a bit..but the pain hasn't gone away yet..cuz i still actually miss. i ask for prayers from all who reads. i ask all those who care. i ask all that i'm close or not close with. this brother of Christ of yours is kneeling down to you, to sincerely ask for your help through prayers, as i tremble and shake within my own body; with tears coming down. i really sincerely ask.
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arthur: man man man, stanley tweetle that i am. hah....been great to get to know you, and it's great to see you around within worship time. it's such a pleasing thing to the heart to see that you sing your till your lungs blow out during them...how you raise your arms, and worship until they're soar..and yet you still raise it up. (i can support your arms, don't worry! just keep it raised! haha) that's the few times that i got to spend with you during this retreat; sure wished i can spend some more with you. but having that said, i still continue to grow with you alongside God's supervision. take it all easy.
kawai: buds, first off thanks. second off, thanks. and third off, did i mention thanks? it's been such a close time with me and you during this trip...i got to speak to you in person for the first time. where we're able to shoot words at each other without regrets, just straight up truth that shook each other the max. i shed tears, you shed tears. yet we continue to help each other through our problems...throwing aside our own, until we're able to help the other. looking out for the other even if it meant putting our pain aside or dealing with it at the same time....thinking for the other person, yet still boggled by our own problems. as for you man, take it easy..and step by step. do'nt take no shortcuts and trust me, nothing comes easy...take it slow and hop over each boulder or step that comes after you. take it all up on the big guy, don't let it compress on you. you ain't got the body frame to do it. you ain't bigger than the air we breathe, only God is bigger than the air we breathe. --"My Glorious" says so. =)
nada: man...am i glad you're still part of my life. without you, i dunno who else i'd be talking to when i was so overwhelmed at that hour. it was such a good experience for the both of us. (well at least to me, it was amazing.) it's been such a pleasure to have a repeat of last year at jackson's point...just seeing our past again, but with a new perspective. last year, it was me and you in the biggest pile of horse-crap, but this year...we're looking back at it, and smiling at it. (when we basically died for it back then...) it's such a good feeling. then you supported me throughout the times when i just bawled and felt completely shattered everywhere. you came by and you set your hands onto me and just comforted me. i walked outside, yet you still followed me..even into the freezing cold. you were freezing your ass off, yet you still remained with me. you just cared so much for me. i respect that so much and appreciate it more than anything. i gave you my coat, yet you're so cute to "reject" it and tell me that i need it. but nah; you should know by now, i dont really care about myself, i care about others and definitely you. page 19 man, page 19. =) i thank you so much again and again for just supporting me throughout all this hardship that i've went through during this retreat. i'm glad we're good now..thanks for EVERYTHING. take care my dear sister =)
luka: leng mooi, gosh i have so much to say to you...much more than what i have said to you during that 2am chat we had during the oasis meeting thing. i dunno.. i don't wanna say it here...if you read this, i guess give me a call on my cellphone or at home. any time it is, just give me that call. thanks for making my retreat so special as the way it was. i respect that, even though it may not be the way i want things to be...but it sure brought a whole lot of "interesting points" into the retreat.
heidi: hihismile! haha, as much as you say you don't wanna take credit and stuff...i just really wanna tell you man. you did an absolutely good job on this year's retreat alongside the whole team you held together. Sure it was God's works in the ultimate sense. but think about this, you allowed yourself to be used by Him heidi...this is an effort from you. i'm happy that you did not go on the europe trip, because you played a big part in our retreat this year...it's put such a great impact in so many people's lives--especially the grade 11s. take best of care of yourself, and do not overstress yourself...cuz i can tell you're already being busy! =) chillllllax.
deb: didn't get to talk to you too much on this retreat, but i saw what you did at the 3am oasis meeting thing...it's brave of you deb. i'm so proud of you to finally be able to face the problems that overtook you for a while. i haven't been able to talk to you lately.....prolly cuz of all the workload. but i wanna tell you antoher thing, is that you did such an awesome job in planning things out with heidi. i must give you pat on the back. thanks for surrending yourself to God, so that He can use you to lead us to worshipping Him. coming from a buddhist home, it must be hard to stay strong to God at all times, and especially it'll be hard to plan such a devoted and wonderful retreat. it's been such a pleasure to experience this retreat. it's one that will not be forgotten. hope to be able to get to know you more and more within this and next year =)
tim: yeah, although we're not that close (yet!) i thank you so much for just checking up on me when i was a lil gloom here and there at the lunch table...ha, and such a good singer ;) our TNL group ruleddddddddd. 10+1..all the way. keep it up all to God and best of luck to everything that you do. :)
andrew: keep that drumming going along and retreat's music, splendid. definitely something i'm encouraged to hear and got me sparked up to worship God. such a good experience, ha, we got to know ecah other a bit better....but we're still growing. so yah =) great to spar with ya, haha...even though i sucked. hahaha you owned me =P but oh well. i'll just blame it on.. uh... you're properly trained! =p i'm not! muhahahahahahahaaaa! i'm so cheap :P oh well. take care man.
rach: PS. what more can i say? hahah...sexy! that's the word =) how can i forget? heheh...it's beeen great to know you ever since the first we've met...i can't even remember! it seems so long that we've known each other...but pssh who cares! it's only you! ha, just kidding =) but i must say, brave kid. braveness. i'm proud of you for saying such a thing and asking of such a thing into your life. i can see God's working and picking at your heart already...you'll need to continue to pray yourself and open up that heart and let him in. i'll def pray for you PS. no doubt at that.
lionel: blah, you know what i haveta say to you. it's late now, i'm lazy to type ha...1:42 am, you know what i gotta say. major props to you man...and i love your leadership skills; it's so grooovy and rad man! (ha, learned from ted.) uh...yeah, i appreacite the fact that you caught on to my sadness and pissiness and didn't bother forcing me to do so something that i did not want to do. glad you understand all of that...and real thankful you stood around. and you know what? one small cabin fixed with like 8 guys? ha...what a joke =p
valerie: great singing, even though you sick and all...you managed to pull through. we're both so sick and we managed to get to the retreat after it all...isn't God great? i think so! =) God's always around and man..was i surprised at your braveness...in sharing that powerful message to all the grade 11s..what courage it must took. if i had that courage...i'd be so much more than what i am...thanks for setting such a powerful image and example! great retreat and great singing once again...take best of care =)
jake: nice talking to you afterwards, got to konw you a lil better and hope to get to know you a lot better. continue to stick with God and conitnue to grow bud. take it all up to Him as you told me to do so in my problems. now do the same for you and keep it all going good. don't be scared to talk to me about anything, don't ever think anything is stupid. you got a Q? just hollers. msg me, post here, call me...anything. don't know my number? ask me, ask der, ask anyone. on call 24/7. you betcha i got you covered. take it easy. =)
kim: best of luck with your faith girl. glad to see God's finally working in your life nowadays...i remember a while back, you didn't seem too godly and you definitely did not really talk about God..even if i tried to. but i see you're growing as we speak..and especialyl during this retreat.. you sang and you sang and you sang...till your hearts shot out..and you gave out a testimonial.. and all...great job. keep it up girl. dwell into the father's kingdom! =)
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anyone i miss? sorry =P
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Monday, April 25, 2005
miss.i actually really miss you.
and i'm sick; let's hope i'll be better. along with all those who are sick too. retreats' soon, let's prepare ourselves...who knows? maybe this retreat will help me with you. i sure hope so. take care everyone.
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Friday, April 22, 2005
A to Z. what more can i say? =pA - Always around those who i care about.
B - Behaves in a random manner
C - Cares about all friends as if they were family.
D - Dare to shoot words to others, if needed, without fear
E - Entering a whole new journey in life.
F - Fear of the unexpected (woman =p)
G - Give all that i can to friends
H - Holla at me if anything =D
I - Interested in cars and girls and uh...whatever else.
K - Kicks brian for fun during school hours hahaha (but he blocks..sorta =p)
L - Love my family, trying my best to love God, and my friends: luka, nada, dani, brian, derek, rach, and so on. =)
M - Must never give up.
N - Never giving up.
O - Overcaring about some smaller things in life
P - Puts friends before myself.
Q - Quite the person to get to know....im puzzling.
S - Swears too much when pissed off (needa fix)
T - Treats friends with all respect and care.
U - Understands a person when gets to know them.
W - Wonders about a lot of things in life
Y - "You are never alone, cuz i'll always be around and God will too" is a common line from me.
Z - Zero bullshit from me, if we have a true friendship...(at least when the time is serious =P)
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Tuesday, April 19, 2005
defintions that all should know. but apparently not.----------------------------
true
Faithful, as to a friend, vow, or cause; loyal.
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friend n.
A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts
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friendship n.
The quality or condition of being friends.
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so what IS a friend? or what IS a friendship? a friend is someone that you can always rely on, and be with. forigiving each other for their faults and overcoming each argument or problem with each other to the best of their ability.
what is a friendship? it's when there are two people (either genders) get together and be able to act as a friend to each other. They won't give up on each other, and they won't get mad at the other for no apparent reason. they don't ignore the other. and they certainly try their best not to give the other guy/girl a hard time. That's a true relationship.
but why the heck am i experiencing something that's so different with you? why do i have to go through all this hassle with you. why do you always have to be happy and joyful and everything to me this second, then you screw around with me the other second by changing your whole attitude towards me. one moment you're happy, another you're pissed mad at me, and another you're just ignoring me. what more can i possibly do? i've tried my best to be the friend that i can to you, and you just shatter it each time. i'm bound to give up, but i don't want to give up, yet i feel pain each day. sometimes i just think yo'ure so selfish, but i know you're better than that.
i seriously want to give up on you, but really, i love you too much to do that, my dear sister.
1 Comments:
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Xae Lee said...
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bro, i duno who u talkin bout, but ill tell u one thing. Love isnt a mutual thing, its one way. Jesus loves the world, yet most of the world doesn't love him back. if u are true friends with this person, i dont think it maters what they do, but the fact that your love for Gods people is unconditional, thats all that matters. i wish i knew you better stan :) one day we should just sit down and talk
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Monday, April 18, 2005
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUKA! =)i didn't get any cake, hmph! =p but anyways, take care. haha.
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Saturday, April 16, 2005
--read it, it sounds better than it sounds.-----------------------------------------------
dedicated to: luka, nada, dani, bri, derek, rach, and all those close to me. =)
2 cups of coffee...
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar...and the 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly, and the pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full; they agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more ifthe jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things: your family, your children, your health,
your friends, and your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter--like your job, your house, and your car. The sand is everything else: the small stuff.
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will
never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children.
Keep contact with friends Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner/parents out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal." Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your
priorities The rest is just filler."
One of the students raised his hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor sMiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."
==inspired me, and reminded me of life. hope it did the same to you. =)
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Wednesday, April 13, 2005
BMW 325 & AUDI A4So what more can i say? except two sexy black beasts!
Was bored over the sunday, so me/der washed our cars and did a little photoshoot in around 15 minutes. PACK 2 will be out by the end of the month! =D ENJOY!
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Oh yah, and those lookin for math notes (April 13 2005)
3 Comments:
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agapetos said...
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i lost count of the # of pics
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Justin C. said...
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Nice cars. As you asked in your last post, I will be praying.
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Xae Lee said...
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mo mo mo mo monkey, mo mo mo mo monkey...
lol seriously i duno what to say, but, nice cars.
i can go anywhere, even here and here and here.
well im not sure why im saying this but i guess when i read ur blog and looked at the pictures, it just made me think of this.
even here? yes. even here? yes. even here? ofcourse.
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Thursday, April 07, 2005
prayer.how do you feel when you see a close friend being stressed and overloaded with burdens? not good? i agree.
i ask those who care pray for my friend:
- relation problems
- relative has diagnosis of cancer
- difficulties at school
i really ask for prayers from all that reads this. thanks.
i pray that God will provide this person with the strength to overcome all of this and provide me with the supports for this person, so that they can go through all this. give me the wisdom Lord, this is what i ask for. Amen.
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Wednesday, April 06, 2005
For those who care: i'm better.and thanks for all the supporters who's given me the backup throughout this whole period...i have realized that i'm only the so called 'strong', but really, when it comes down to it, i'm weak at this stuff.
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computer stuff:
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1 Comments:
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Xae Lee said...
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good to know bro :) ill be viewing ur blog often now :D i dont realy know u very well, but im sure one day we can really just get to learn about eachother.
-Andy
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Tuesday, April 05, 2005
for those who even care.Mood: not a good one.
Situations:
>> Friendship problems
>> God relationship problems
>> Swearing problem
>> Sleep-deprived; even though i get enough sleep, but still mentally tired
>> Sick of just about everyone right now.
Current Workload:
>> Media arts project - butterfly208 (next week)
>> WR ISP (april 12th)
>> WR Essay (May 19th)
>> Chem Chapter 11 Quiz - April 6th
>> English Vocab Quiz - April 7th
>> Physics Tube Quiz - April 7th
>> Math Test - Chapter 5 Stuff (April 8th)
>> Math Quiz - Chapter 6 Stuff (April 11th)
>> Computer Assignments x7 (all those dumb programs)
>> Read English (chapter 15-17+)
>> English Questions (April 7th)
>> Math Tutorial
>> PLEASE, ADD MORE. I WANT MORE. MAYBE THAT'LL COVER UP MY PISSED OFF MOOD.
what more can i say? bye.
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computer stuff:
page 01 of 06
http://img147.exs.cx/img147/4088/untitled13vz.jpg
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http://img147.exs.cx/img147/5748/untitled28bb.jpg
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http://img147.exs.cx/img147/7114/untitled31fw.jpg
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http://img147.exs.cx/img147/7927/untitled49jd.jpg
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http://img147.exs.cx/img147/4656/untitled54wn.jpg
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http://img147.exs.cx/img147/6462/untitled60il.jpg
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Monday, April 04, 2005
yap.Short simple points; yet to end my day...=)
oh yah, and i'll post computer stuff later!
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Sunday, April 03, 2005
For those who read my "what i hate." post from my previous blog. Well it's been removed; because i've thought about it and i don't want to hurt such a person; because she has that value in my heart still. when will this person agree to forgive me? (over something so stupid.) i sit here and wonder...yet i wonder about what i have to write next:confusion.
there's so many things that confuse me right now. how do those people really devote themselves to God? dont' they also lust, swear, hurt, hate, and whatever else? when they go up there and meet the One in charge; then what happens? do they still do the same and get away with it because they will always be forgiven by our Father? or will they be renewed so much that they will forget all those words and all those thoughts....that we'll be so different that i won't even know them half as much? like what will happen? this just seems like one big puzzle with millions of pieces to fit together, yet the whole picture is one big black board. you just have to somehow compose of each piece; carefully and precisely to find the ultimate picture. this puzzle is just so frustrating and confusing; that makes me want to really give up this puzzle making procedure. there's so many possibilities to fit onto the next piece of the puzzle; yet you finally find out after years of time that it's not the right piece; where in fact it goes somewhere else. it's just so confusing. each puzzle is like the person that you meet, yet on the other bunch you matched up is another bunch that represents your problems in life, and yet there's another pile of solutions on the other corner. everything is just in one black picture. but when the whole puzzle is complete, you will finally see the full picture. But how will we manage to get there?
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2 Comments:
man... hope the retreat was good for you... hang in there, God works wonders dawg...
hey bro, i woudlnt say i won the sparring match, u actually got me in the face twice :S. i promise a better match some other time. thanks for the encouraging words, but ofcourse, 100% glory of the praise goes to God. we SHOULD get to know eachother like u said, see ya around bro
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