Wednesday, March 30, 2005
All those who feel like giving up and tired of living or whatever else.
2 Chronicles 15:7
But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded."
Luke 18:1
Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up.
Philippians 1:4
In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy
none of you should give up; and none should feel useless.
i personally know how it feels to be in this stage, becuase sadly i've went through a human break down for a long period of time where everything just seemed to come to an end. i just wanted to end life, could've i? yes i could. but what's the point? kill kill kill...then waht? bring more sh*t to the family and friends, then bring myself into eternal pain. get up, get up, and get up. just keep getting up and fight through those hard battles; did i say it was easy? no, don't ever (or even try) thinking that a battle of life can be easy. cuz one after another, it's gonna be a whole new battle and a whole new enemy to defeat. Satan's gonna send more and more temptations and interferences into our lives. there's no escape for that. Keep those blades ready, keep the shield ready; be on guard all the time and fight off those spirits whenever they come at you. keep on trying; even if you're defeated. just keep trying; never give yourself up (luke 18:1) For God is our ultimate shield; what more can we fear? nothing. that's the answer; stand by him and you should feel nothing else; cuz you know he'll be around at all times and at every battle.
i'm thinking back to recess in elementary school life, and how we have these things which i call a "battle ring." Each kid is like there and they basically fight for survival. Treat life sorta like that "battle ring." you are always trapped in this ring and continuous battles keep coming until the recess bell rings; which ends it all. Treat that bell as if it was the knell of your life; and it will not ring anytime soon because a battle seems forever. especially when it's a battle that you hate and have to suffer through the most. one after another, an opponent will come after you defeat the previous one. you just keep battling; even if you're out of breathe..but you just keep doing it...or you'll get quite hurt. just keep fighting and fighitng ecah opponent (the things satan sends against you and the things life has for you.) should you give up? no you should not. treat it like a way where you have to keep going at it and it's the way to live on--unless you want to die.
life's sorta like that if you think about it. (at least to me.)
keep going at it all.
don't give up life and don't give up on yourself; and definitely don't give up on God.
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Saturday, March 26, 2005
gayness.some people should just stay the hell outta my business.
well actually, just one person, she hasta stick her ass into a problem that doesn't even relate to her. she has to walk in the room and go "as your home room teacher i have to say something about your hair. you have to have natural colors." bblabla, shut up woman. it's not even your business. everyone's seen it and said nothing. then you come in and decide to stick your ass in. so now i have to dye my hair black? like wtf is all i can say. anyways enough of her bullshit.
hmmm
i'm POOR!!!! frik!!!!! need a source of income now...where can i go? any suggestions. lalalalalla......k well nothing much to say ..so yeah.
2 Comments:
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said...
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haha.
so funny thursday night.
im like..woah..
nice car!
WAIT..
thats aaron in the back seat..
OMG..
DEREK-- && STAN!!!
woah..it was my LUCKY DAY!!
we must *plan* on that more often.. -
agapetos said...
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w/e. purp still looks cool
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Wednesday, March 23, 2005
i'm tired!i'm tired. =( sleepy, yet i have to work. not really functioning well. hope i won't hurt anyone or offend anyone during this stage haha... kinda really tired in the brain!!! sigh.? headache....anyways.. off to work.
-english defintions x20
-asp quiz study
-eng questions
-eng notes type up
-eng isp research portion
-media arts project (mar29)
-chem lab (mar29)
-computer notes uploading. CHECK BELOW.
-computer assignment
-world religion ISP
-world religion essay
-physics study for test (thurs)
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COMPUTER NOTES TAKEN FROM CLASS.
page 01 of 09
http://img67.exs.cx/img67/4255/untitled17wg.jpg
page 02 of 09
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http://img67.exs.cx/img67/2880/untitled62my.jpg
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http://img67.exs.cx/img67/577/untitled97yj.jpg
1 Comments:
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said...
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this is "the camera-man" who filmed super xenu and bloopers of bloopers. keeping anonymous because the paragraph after the following one
added to the layout...cool.
give me the coding for comments? haloscan messes and won't work on my current one.
and yeah read my post...fill in the blanks with...remember you asked on msn a list of those people and you wanted "yes/no" and..remember it was the list with the teacher on it =P and my cousin was on it too and i said i couldn't answer for that her. yeah that list...remember there were two people with the same name and we just call them differently, i use the nickname for one, but you use the same nickname for the other. use the person i use the nickname for the blanks.
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Monday, March 21, 2005
your name means nothing,but to me you mean everything.
there is just something special about you
when i first met you girl,
you were pretty weird for me like a swirl.
but that didnt matter to me,
cuz i never thought an egyptian and chinese can ever be,
friends like you and me.
i didn't know you too well in the beginning,
but God Himself brought us two together grinning.
during class, i would be shy, yet i still turn around
to give you my bible and hear your sound.
that's how we met,
that i will never forget.
as time passed by,
we got closer and closer, that i will not deny.
twins that we became,
and proudly do we both proclaim.
from then on, it was like heaven made its early way,
because you were with me everyday.
from twins we changed to baby,
but i was scared to have that name, cuz it might of affected you maybe.
as you were with your guy,
and i didn't want any wrong assumptions to go hereby.
so you gave me a new name,
which i took on with no shame.
from baby to boo that we went,
our relationship was unbreakable like cement.
every single day seemed to be magical,
and it was clear to both of us like an icicle.
feelings shared, experiences discussed, jokes and fun times too,
that i appreciate and must say thank you.
you were always there for me whenever i felt gloom,
you take away all the times that i thought i was in doom,
cuz you always knew what to say or do to me,
it was just so simple to you like 1,2,3.
but we had our problems within time,
becuase i've committed a serious crime.
i broken that trust that we shared,
that got us both despaired.
when i shattered the trust, i felt a pain that cannot be compared.
it felt like everything between us was impaired,
and it took me forever to realize that it can be repaired.
by this time you didn't even seem to cared.
but i know i've hurt you quite a lot,
and i regret it so much for every minute of my life,
and wished we have never fought.
i even thought about using that knife,
but you still stood by me with a caring heart,
which allowed the knife and i to depart.
from then on, i was scared to talk to you,
but the awful pain just grew and grew.
time made its way between us for a while,
until i was finally able to see on your face another smile.
ever since, i continue to hope and pray to God,
for the day when i can ask if we are close, and you give a sincere nod.
that will be the happiest day of my life of mine,
that my heart and i will truly define.
so i wait for your answer with a confident heart,
and the day that we will never again be apart.
this is a poem to you my sweetest boo,
really, i just want it like the way before,
with no problems between us anymore.
yes boo, just like old times with me and you.
-- Stan
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Friday, March 18, 2005
the feeling of loneliness.so..the march break is coming to an end...and my mom left back to vancouver. from the point she left, i was okay and fine. i hugged her and took pictures before she left together, along with my uncle. the time came for her to check in, we left with a sweet goodbye. i sat in the car with my aunt and my uncle; still pretty cheerful...yet my heart had that sour feeling inside already. i knew that my mind and my feelings would be overwhelmed by such a departure again. it happens every single time she comes and leaves to wherever. i went around with my uncle and johnny..and occupied myself with them around me. they came over to my house, and stayed for a while...they left after couple of hours.
my house was silent.
there was no one, there was no noise, it's just silent. only person around is myself. grandma is out with her fun. and my mom on the plane flying back to vancouver. and my aunt/uncle on their safe ride home. i looked around and ate while watching some tv. but my mind wasn't even clear. all i can remember is the few days with my mom; where we sat and where we chatted and where we joked around the house. the sour feeling came back and filled me. i kept walking around and thinking about the times with my mom; it's just sweet...yet i can't do that anymore until the next time she comes back. i don't konw when that will be, as she has to work. but here i sit around; with the silence. i play my music to fill my mind, but it's not working. all i can think about is the times with her.
i feel so lonely, myself just sitting here at my computer. i do this noramlly, but it does not feel the same right now cuz i'm so used to the few days.
i called a girl, but she was busy with a surprise party. i let her go, as the feeling didn't overtake me yet. but as she left, i just felt so lonely. i called my brother. but he was not around; probably at church. then i think about another brother, he is at his army thing; so there was no point in calling him. i sit around, and i think about my sister; she's still in her relaxing trip; which meant there was no point in calling. i sit and i think and i feel, and i shed tears. i feel so lonely, and i get what my brother told me yesterday. "the feeling that you get of sitting at home alone, and doing nothing, with no one to really call." i feel that now, and i feel completely lonely.
i log onto msn, but there was no one online. yet i feel depressed again.
i look at the time, and i can see that my mom's flight has probably arrived at vancouver. i wait for her call, while listening to "my pride." a song that i've listened to when she was around with me; laughing and enjoying our time together. then i think to myself, i really do miss my mom with tears coming down my cheeks.
i wish i can spend some more time with her.
which makes me think about my future: i want to be able to achieve something and be able to spend the longest times with her without her to have to go through any hardships anymore. the only separation between us right now is the financial issue; hwich is why she needs to work somewhere else.
i just feel really lonely right now. thanks for who that even cares.
3 Comments:
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agapetos said...
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=P itsumo
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*:lUk-ca:* said...
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hey...we had sooo much fun late nite at Bri's hse eh?...LOLZ..sooo jokes...the "ring" part was soooo funnie...lolz..i wish we could have more time for that...omg...we r presenting tmr...good that we dun hv to read it in front of the class..or else i would just DIE...LOLZ...newayz...ttyl..biiii...LOLZ...
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*:lUk-ca:* said...
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i meant last nite..LOLZ...
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Tuesday, March 08, 2005
STRESS.Oi, talk about stress levels. sometimes i really wonder if teachers like to kill the students. they seem to always pile up work at some point of time...it's always within a specific pattern. one month: nothin to do, jolly jolly what a joke. then another month, they stuff you with so much work and stuff. I've always noticed this already....but i jsut don't get why don't they shapen up and change that.
this march, it's supposed to be finally a break after all the workloads we've been having in the jan/feb months. but is it really? hell NO is what i have to say. we're hit with a minimum of 3 ISPs due within the week we go back: chemistry, english, and world religion. for one thing, i dont like to be stressed this much because then nothing comes out right....all the projects will gain an average of like 70. stupidness. what does this all mean? it means i have like 3 days to finish all of these assignments. Why? because my mom's coming back.
I haven't even seen my mom within the longest time now, and she's finally coming back and i can spend some quality time with her. but guess what? i've been piled with all this work that i'll have to worry about it during the short week that's back for. isn't that just great? she finally comes back and i can't even spend the best time with her. what kinda break is this? she's been planning and asking me about my march break..so that i'll finally be free and be able to spend time with her..whereas other times i'm usually busy. But nope pca just needs to screw it over.
teachers always tell us to use time manage everything good and stuff, but see... i don't see them doing a very good job. they're doing a F-class job if you asked me. they always pile up work and they don't even spread out the workload. why don't you actaully TALK WITH YOUR FELLOW TEACHERS AND ASK ABOUT THE WORKLOAD. maybe then we don't have to stress HALF as much.
oh yeah, wanna know more? i have 3 days to finish all of these farking things..but i have more to tell! now ain't that surprising? honestly no. becuase this school's like that, they love to pile everything up as if we don't need to break. and trust me, this school..their definitino of "break" means "to have the kids work even more while not at school." last time i checked, "break" means to get off something and be able to spend some time outside of the normal workload. and what do you usually do with all that? you GO OUT AND NOT DO SCHOOL RELATED STUFF. but if you pile with shitloads of stuff, then how are we supposed to do that? i know of so many friends who are going off to like england, quebec, and just whatever else to chill out with their family. So how are they supposed to do these things? i don't get it myself. i'm just starting to not to care really...but then i have to, cuz this is my grade that i'm talkin about. so what the hell?
english class, already have an isp due, then you pile up with another quiz. GREAT!
chemistry class, a really long isp, yet she doesn't even allow us to ask for help!GREAT!
world religion class, with a quiz coming up and a isp due: is it a short isp? NOPE. definitely GREAT.
media arts class, another project due too..but what? the english media class can hand in the EXACT copy of their projects? so they don't have to do it? while the others have to suffer through? GREAT.
math class, a math test. there's nothing wrong with this. it's like the only normal class. the teacher actually has a heart and a clear mind to actually postpone the test for us because we were piled in the last month too. Appreciate it much from him. so it's not his fault for having it in the tough week that we're all going to face.
conclusion:
21: eng quiz with a 42 page thing we have to read.
22: chem isp due, english isp due.
23: wr isp due, math test
24: whatever the heck, pile more why don't you.
25: good we get a break, what does that mean? MORE WORK! YIPPY!!
learn to spread things out. we're human, we can only take so much. why don't i pile so much workload onto you guys? would you like that.
2 Comments:
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agapetos said...
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wow..u changed everythingin ur layout
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Mack said...
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aiyo... ok... im on ur side... Jones explained this to me tho... he said it's cause of how our schedule is structured... when the year begins, teachers all go about two weeks and then give a unit test, cause ur done the unit... so from there... it slowly starts to spread apart, but often, courses are still clumped together, moving at the same speed...
this ain't fair to us... i noe... and i dun get how this ain't an issue in public schools... but u gotta play with the hand dealt to you... it sux... hope it works out yo...
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New Layout. =)
got really bored of black/white...so here's a WHITE/black one =P
lalala..congrats on grace on getting her g2 as well.
prayers go to kawai. definitely. gotcha covered.
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Monday, March 07, 2005
wow... i think i'm really pressured...couldn't even sleep well yesterday night. tried sleep from 11...but didn't sleep until 12, just kept rolling around on my bed. finally slept around 12, then by 1:20am, i got a call. hehe how sweet. didn't expect this call at all. it was support from my best friend =) she kept comforting me and telling me that i'd be fine. i listened, yet i still kidna you know? felt REALLY NERVOUS. ahhh!!! talk about scared. anyways....after the phone call, i tried sleeping again...think i finally slept again at like 3.. woke up at 4. then forced myself to sleep...and woke up at 7. then i forced again, and finally woke at around 830. rolled around till like 850, and then i just decided to get up. so exam's in like 2 hours or so...going out to try the route again at like 10, then the actual thing is at 11:15. i sure hope i do to my best and be able to pass...so far everyone i've talked to said i'd be fine... including my instructor. they're all so confident with me.. but im lacking it..and i'm like scared to death. i just hope that i'll be able to calm myslef down and do my best.....God help me.eeeeeeeeep. i'm scared. =\ hopefully i'll pass....
Thanks all the support guys! appeciate it deeply.
UPDATE:
OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!
=DDDDD
1 Comments:
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stan said...
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test
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2 Comments:
thanks man..
hey...thz for everything...and ya...i reli appreciate everything u've done for me...so ya...now u hv mi trust....so don't u try to lie to me or trick me...or else u will be dead...LOLZ....
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