-- SLK32 --

Monday, November 07, 2005

you make such a difference in my life.

reality i try to escape from,
trying to swarm myself with other thoughts,
so i don't have to think about you and me.
or even feel the times when i'm separated from you.
it hurts me so much to realize our apart-ness.
my hearts so fragile now,
your simple walk away or your simple turn away,
pierces it right through more and more,
at every angle i can imagine.
if you were to rip it out,
i can guarantee you see the holes.
the holes drenched with blood,
and blackness; cuz i'm hurt that much.
honestly, i'm trying to hide...
trying to work in the background for you.
when you need something,
i will help and provide the best that i can.
you realizing or not,
i think i will do it continually.
i love you dearly that much.
much like how i love every other brother.
or every sister.

i miss you that much,
i really want to be close with you once again.

please Lord.
shape me up... i'm not focusing,
my heart aches, and my mind is boggled.
put me back up, let there be supports,
so i can learn to fly once again.
i've fallen, and i'm limping.

please end me of this pain.
end me physically if that's what it takes,
becuase what i endure now... it hurts me a lot.
at this point, i don't think i'm even afraid of death anymore,
i once used to be, but for now...
take it. just take it all into your hands.
i really can't care less about my own life.

strike me with a knife if that's what it takes,
to make it better, make it be in the hands of that person.
i'm trembling down to my knees and i lie in my bed,
crying.
yes crying all...the strong stan you imagine me to be,
i'm really not, i too fall over and cry.
i hate myself right now because it seems i can't even keep
a simple relation with you. and i'm failing you God.

i rest here..
crying.

--tears are my new best friend.

1 Comments:

Kamikaze said...: what can i say? i've been through it, but this is obviously of no comfort, man... just let it out, you have people realy close 2 u... the friends you see everyday, we're here 4 u... just ask for sum help... and you can expect to get it, cuz that's what we're here for... share the burden! as im learning in a new program at my church "40 Days of Community" sequel to "40 Days of Purpose"... we're made to take challenges together... if it's too personal or ur not open to tell any1 yet, that's fine, but if u eva need nething.. u know where to look to... your brothers... friends... only thing i can do rite now is pray...; 8:32 PM