Thursday, October 06, 2005
simple words...but a deeper meaning within.these are the simple words to describe my day today;
what a day of hell..yet sparked up with a touch of goodness.
a day of testing, that i feel.
a test that i don't know if i truly passed or not,
but to God, he will know for the better,
because he is the one that marks.
- shafted in the morning already (twice)
- was talked with today in the morning, for a few seconds
- the person left without notice
- a closer talk with my developing pal
- a weird spare; can't really focus on much
- lunchtime; ate lunch alone on the side (even with people around me)
- went outside with arthur and had a nice talk
- felt like shit throughout
- OS was fun and games; since it's always fun with cracknell
- accounting class: what a struggle and heartpounding experience (all i can remember is that i was told the tests were not well done at all...only a few actually succeeded in a "better" mark. i was scared shitless about my mark, cuz i wasn't confident about the test to begin with. ended up with a mark that i hated, that i thought owuld have affected me to the maximal..scared shitless, and i just completely lost my sense of control. i need accounting, i need it high up. can't let it drop down... but that mark i thoguht would have counted a lot...but thankfully, my other marks supported me. remained in the range that i want...but i still want a 100.)
- school ended off with a simple, yet made confusing data management class
- off to the outside i go...after seeing some of my friends
- i waited outside and had no one...just wanted to hug someone...totally out of it.
- a person showed up, and it just sparked me up.. i wanted to hug her. but i didn't. foolish i am, but how i regret it now. i miss her so much actually...cuz it's been a while that we've last talked...or seem so. it's interesting to see....spent 30mins with her and a few others showed up afterwards. i dunno, couldn't keep my eyes off of her actually...wanted to hug her deeply.
it's really interesting how things work out in the end..
when you just rely on God through it all.
but right now, is the battle all over again...
i must correct myself, and get myself back up in the place that i want to be.
problems are out of the way sorta..
but now lets get up and pull myself together.
on top of that, thanks for those who bothered to read my previous posts.
thanks jk for your message, it's good to hear from you...but i must say, i'm not someone to look up to .. i'm not as strong as you may really think i am. you may think i'm "popular" or "determined" or what not...but i'm really not. it's good to hear that...but yeah....
¤¤ stan blogged at
5:12:00 PM
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1 Comments:
darn those automated ads. but that aside... cmon stan, you ARE someone to be looked up to. this may sound kinda selfish, but i also have people that say they look up to me, and although i don't think i'm worthy, being worthy isn't what it's all about.
I don't look up to people because they're popular or determined. Well, if determined = they don't give up on life, then I guess I do look up to those people. But the thing is, although I can't relate to you (cause you've been through a lot of stuff I haven't), I still can see the way you see life cause I share that similar point of view.
Over the past months or whatever and however long I've been reading your blog.. it really moves me and I really wish there was something more I can do to... to do anything. Remind me to hunt you down after school and bother you before I walk home. =P
And as we learned in Ch. 18... "Life is meant to be shared." Use your imagination to figure out what I mean by that.
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