Friday, September 09, 2005
longlasting committment.It's intriguing how much pain you put me through, but still everytime... i'm unable to fully give up on you. at this point of time, i hated you to the point that my dogtags were off. dogtags were fully off and wrapped around my wrist. they were always laid on the table of my room...piling on with dust--at least for the first few days of our troubles. but i couldn't forget you... i really wanted to throw you into the back of my head...but it was not doable. you mean too much to me man... i had to keep you close by.
i'm mad at you, i'm upset about you, and i'm all that against you...but through it all man.. i'm always there. i will be there. that's a committment i give to you. everytime i try to throw it down; i just look back these dogtags of mine..it reminds me of you..of the promise i have in you. it makes me think about you...and how life would be like...if i had disappeared from you.
i really wanted to drop you..but today, when i saw you...i felt these sudden jolts to my heart...that pricks me as well...because i am not talking to you. it was an indescribable pain within me...but i still chose not to talk to you..cuz i was still upset about you... i just wanted to stop caring...i don't want another round.
but then i dunno... i saw you with brian today....and i just wanted to hug you. i want to come from behind you and just give you the biggest hug of all...cuz i miss you that much; that i want to show you that i have forgiven you. i put the dogtags back on. at that point of time, when you spoke with brian....from far. i watched from far, i stood there...silent. and prayed. prayed that god will give me strength for antoher round of me and you. they're back on, and i want you back with me.
lets work together on this one...even though i'm not totally okay with it all.
but i do still miss you. i miss talking to you..but what i miss most of all...is your sincere hug. i wanted to find you a couple of times...but i chickened out in the end...cuz it's hard for ME to back down to you....and accept you again..when you're the one who wronged me. but when i chose to do it for sure...i came out, but you already left....cuz you had spare.
you left and i felt cold. i wnated to resolve the problem...but you were have left already. i wanted to hold you right into my arms and tell you how much i miss you and love you for who you are...although i dislike the stuff that you put me through. but that does not matter...becuase love is greater than anything else. everyone kind of love--relational love, brother/sister love, family love, and what not...and in our situation it's a brotherly-to-sisterly-family-love.
i don't know how i'm going to resolve this with you on the weekend...but maybe we'll see each other somehow. i'm not sure.... but if it does have to wait till monday..then let it wait till monday.
prayers needed.
--stan.
¤¤ stan blogged at
9:10:00 PM
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2 Comments:
hey stan =)
i hope you'll be ok from whatever is going on.. praying for ya
take care
you got it.
keep living on.
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