-- SLK32 --

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

continuing on....

i actually lost count for the days that i have stayed up past the times of 3 am each night; occupying myself with someone that i think is well worth it. but then it's been so many days, i was expecting it again and again..until probably when school starts. but nope, it's starting to change already....weird isn't it? inside me, i feel that i've been replaced by someone. i dunno if such person means it, but it sure feels like it. i'm sure this person does not mean it... but to me, that's how i feel. i just wish some things would just stop happening to me... why give me such, then do something to tick me off..or put some negative feeling into me? is it that fun to play with stan's heart? it hurts. my hearts never been healed up, it hurts more when you poke it again; especially where it's already been hurt most. it's "funny" cuz i've been hurt repetitively...but hurting so much just hurts even more each time.. i haven't gotten used to it .. nor will i ever or plan to. some people say that after a long time of hurting, you'll start to get used to it..and it wont matter so much. but i don't agree with that... i get hurt over and over and over again.. it just keeps coming back. the weirdest thing is, i get hurt by the same people over and over too. yet they're all close to me; and they're of a single kind--for the most part. the ones that are the same kind as me...they don't hurt me...or at least not as much. but why does the other kind havta hurt me so much? my day today? it was horrible. slacked off...can't concentrate, and when i can.. i get distracted. it's hot, and i can't conccentrate well...my heart hurts, and my head hurts..and i want to stop caring..which i already did...cuz omg.. i'm about to snap. but whatever the hell.. it's over now.. i'm glad so that the day is over... well at least i hope it is. but i'm sure something will last on till tomoro and later on...that hurt won't wear away until some time out there... my body's tired. it's time for a rest... i quit this battle for now; someone defend for me--preferly God. i cannot take this on myself. i've had enough. i lay down now.

i rest my sword, and i rest my shield on my breast; in case of any more attacks--protecting my heart from any more danger..any more threats...any more hurt.

i look at the clock now, and i remember about the earlier days...where i spent with you. rather fun and amusing... but then...it's so different now that there is an addition.

-stan.

1 Comments:

Anonymous said...: wow last nite wuz random, ok mebbe "we" were da random ones. heh anyway we hafn't tlked in person for a bit eh? 2 dayz left n skool starts. =.=" im realli nervous for gr12...; 9:55 AM