-- SLK32 --

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

for you. and you only.

there's a part of me that really still cherishes you.
that still loves you.
that still adores you.
that still treats you the same.
that still motivates me.
that still care for you.

for the fact that you haven't called for the few days,
i thought something was wrong,
something that might've affected you.
something that caused you to be absent.
i was scared honestly.
i prayed, praying from a body that doesn't even fully trust on God.
i don't know what happened to you,
and i feared of something that might've happened.
i prayed for your safety
and your health
and your whatever else.
i didn't call you because i did not know what to say to you
i don't even know what i want to say to you
and i don't even know how to talk with you.
but deep inside me, it still burns me.
it burns my body and makes me feel uneasy.
i don't know how you are, and i do care for you.
i was waiting patiently for your call,
and when i did, trust me, i was happy for that split second.
when i saw your name pop up on that caller id,
i was slightly relieved,
because i know you're once again safe and back.

but through all of that,
i still have a deep-shovelled hole,
a hole that i dont know how to face,
a hole that makes me think.
a hole that puts so many thoughts into my head,
thoughts that i do not want in my head.
thoughts that i know that will hurt you,
and thoughts that i know you do not want to hear.
you kept asking for them,
and i do want to share with you.
but i tell you it's for the better,
cuz i know you that well,
and i care for you that well,
that i know if i say them, it may sting you.
can a brother to you like me face the fact,
that i, myself, may hurt you again?
i cannot, and i won't.
i rather i suffer through stuff like this,
to endure our great friendship.
i like how our friendship is right now,
and i don't want to hurt you, my sister.
i never once want to hurt anyone close to me,
not my younger brother,
not my older brother,
not my cute sister,
not my lovely sister,
and nor you my closest sister.

it's hard for me to face you directly right now,
becuase i really expected much from you.
expectations shouldn't be present,
but i fail to live such idea,
i continued to expect certain things from you,
but those expectations weren't met.
i wish sometimes that i can forget about this,
and trust me, within these days...i tried.
but i can't seem to be able to do so.
i just need some time,
some time alone.
some time for me to reflect again,
just promise me one thing,
don't give up on me.
i promised you that i will never give up on you,
and from what you know of me,
you know i will keep that promise.

it's just that...you're so close,
i just...really thought you would remember.
but whatever man,
i'll be fine.
sorry to offend if in any way,
i apologize ahead of time for any of such.

good luck on your test tomorrow.
for i know you will do good.
always do i have confidence in you.
that will not change.
nor will it ever.
take care my sister.

--stan.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

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