Friday, March 18, 2005
the feeling of loneliness.so..the march break is coming to an end...and my mom left back to vancouver. from the point she left, i was okay and fine. i hugged her and took pictures before she left together, along with my uncle. the time came for her to check in, we left with a sweet goodbye. i sat in the car with my aunt and my uncle; still pretty cheerful...yet my heart had that sour feeling inside already. i knew that my mind and my feelings would be overwhelmed by such a departure again. it happens every single time she comes and leaves to wherever. i went around with my uncle and johnny..and occupied myself with them around me. they came over to my house, and stayed for a while...they left after couple of hours.
my house was silent.
there was no one, there was no noise, it's just silent. only person around is myself. grandma is out with her fun. and my mom on the plane flying back to vancouver. and my aunt/uncle on their safe ride home. i looked around and ate while watching some tv. but my mind wasn't even clear. all i can remember is the few days with my mom; where we sat and where we chatted and where we joked around the house. the sour feeling came back and filled me. i kept walking around and thinking about the times with my mom; it's just sweet...yet i can't do that anymore until the next time she comes back. i don't konw when that will be, as she has to work. but here i sit around; with the silence. i play my music to fill my mind, but it's not working. all i can think about is the times with her.
i feel so lonely, myself just sitting here at my computer. i do this noramlly, but it does not feel the same right now cuz i'm so used to the few days.
i called a girl, but she was busy with a surprise party. i let her go, as the feeling didn't overtake me yet. but as she left, i just felt so lonely. i called my brother. but he was not around; probably at church. then i think about another brother, he is at his army thing; so there was no point in calling him. i sit around, and i think about my sister; she's still in her relaxing trip; which meant there was no point in calling. i sit and i think and i feel, and i shed tears. i feel so lonely, and i get what my brother told me yesterday. "the feeling that you get of sitting at home alone, and doing nothing, with no one to really call." i feel that now, and i feel completely lonely.
i log onto msn, but there was no one online. yet i feel depressed again.
i look at the time, and i can see that my mom's flight has probably arrived at vancouver. i wait for her call, while listening to "my pride." a song that i've listened to when she was around with me; laughing and enjoying our time together. then i think to myself, i really do miss my mom with tears coming down my cheeks.
i wish i can spend some more time with her.
which makes me think about my future: i want to be able to achieve something and be able to spend the longest times with her without her to have to go through any hardships anymore. the only separation between us right now is the financial issue; hwich is why she needs to work somewhere else.
i just feel really lonely right now. thanks for who that even cares.
¤¤ stan blogged at
10:05:00 PM
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3 Comments:
=P itsumo
hey...we had sooo much fun late nite at Bri's hse eh?...LOLZ..sooo jokes...the "ring" part was soooo funnie...lolz..i wish we could have more time for that...omg...we r presenting tmr...good that we dun hv to read it in front of the class..or else i would just DIE...LOLZ...newayz...ttyl..biiii...LOLZ...
i meant last nite..LOLZ...
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